


Fifty Flavours of Jam

by lily_winterwood



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Humour, M/M, mild parody of fifty shades of grey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_winterwood/pseuds/lily_winterwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick drabble parody in which Sherlock gripes about <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifty Flavours of Jam

“That paint chip catalogue was shit,” mutters Sherlock Holmes as John Watson enters the flat.

“What paint chip catalogue?” John asks, frowning at the threshold with bags and bags of shopping in his hands. Sherlock continues to loll about the couch, one finger pointing to the book sitting on the coffee table.

John crosses over to it. “ _Fifty Shades of Grey_? Are you serious, Sherlock?”

“I was bored. Besides, Mycroft wrote it, so –”

“Mycroft!” exclaims John in shock. “Mycroft… how?”

“Copper-coloured hair, grey eyes, control freak – what, you didn’t know?”

“He writes porn about him tying up college-age girls and spanking them.”

Sherlock snorts. “No, no. Fifty shades of  _grey_ , John, don’t be daft.”

“Grey… you mean…”

“Lestrade.”

“No way.”

“The main character’s love interest has a brother who’s dating a friend of the main character’s.”

“Lestrade isn’t a naïve virgin, though.”

Sherlock cackles. “On that point it differs. No, the book’s about Mycroft’s sick fantasies about a man he hasn’t had the opportunity to test them out on. I don’t see why he hasn’t gone for it; Lestrade obviously has a soft spot for unorthodox handcuff use –”

“I did not need to know that.” John takes a seat in his chair as soon as he stows away the groceries. 

“No, you didn’t. It’s shit. Mycroft can’t write.”

“Especially not from the perspective of a college girl,” giggles John.

“The porn’s terrible. I’ve read better on Tumblr.”

“You’ve what?”

Sherlock rolls his eyes. “I see you’ve restocked the jam collection again.”

“Yes, well, you blew up the peach jam before I got to try it.”

“It was an experiment.”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that a challenge?”

John laughs, but there’s a twinge of pleasure reverberating in his chest and pooling into warmth between his legs. “Perhaps,” he says, tilting his head to the side, eying Sherlock through his lashes.

“I’m going to slather all fifty flavours of jam on you,” Sherlock growls. “And I’m going to catalogue how they taste, because my question is: will jam taste better licked off of John Watson’s body than with mundane pieces of toast?”

“I hope you don’t jump to conclusions,” John gasps, but he’s already well on his way to full attention down…  _there_. Sherlock snorts.

“Well, I hypothesise yes. Now strip.”


End file.
